Why Me?

Weekends are usually meant for chilling, relaxing, and going out with parents, but this time I went on a new little adventure. Inspired by my friend, I wore a crop top with a square neckline (yah, full “new me” vibes) and left home with pride. But the moment I entered the mall and started roaming around, that confidence began melting faster than an ice cream in summer. Since I don’t usually wear these kinds of clothes, I felt super uncomfortable. I kept whispering to myself, “It’s common Amy, look around, nobody cares.”

But then my inner voice interrupted me like a stubborn pop up ad: “Wait, why are you even trying to fit in? Why can’t you just be who you are?” That hit hard. Because honestly, I’ve always caught myself comparing with others so called success. And funny thing? Those very same people probably think I could surpass them if I actually stopped overthinking and just tried.(not trying to build up but they said it to me)

Fast forward to last night, I was on a random call with my cousin (or let’s just call her my soulmate because she knows me inside out). It was one of those nonsense calls that end up getting way too deep. Out of nowhere, she asked, “Amy, why do you always try to please people? It’s okay if some get hurt or if you lose them. If they’re meant to walk with you in your journey, they’ll stay no pleasing required. Do you even remember how your story started?”

And boom flashback mode activated.
It was my grandpa’s burial day. My favorite English teacher (yes, the only teacher I ever genuinely admired, which is a big deal because I usually don’t like teachers ) had come all the way to Shivamogga to be part of the rituals. She’s now in the UK, but that day she looked at me and said:
“Amulya, I’ve been watching you since high school. You haven’t changed at all. Even in PU, you didn’t let yourself grow. You’re still that introvert girl, hiding in fear, too shy to talk. How will you survive?”

Those words stuck with me like a permanent sticky note in my brain. And now, when I look back, I want to tell her: “Mam, wait till you see the better version of me!”

Anyway, back to my cousin. She made me realize I’ve been losing myself chasing people I don’t even genuinely care about. Like if I see someone sketching, my brain instantly goes, “Why don’t we start sketching too?” Or if my bestie uses Snapchat, suddenly I’m on Snap every day spamming stories. At some point, I had to literally pause and ask myself: “Girl, what the hell are you even doing?”

Why am I running behind trends and friendships that don’t even suit me, while ignoring the people and priorities that actually matter? Why am I wasting holidays glued to social media instead of doing something that gives me real joy?

And then came her final blow the one that made me cry. She said:
“Look at who you were and who you are now. In just one year, you’ve changed so much. I can’t see that confident Sonu in you anymore. You’ve become just another commoner, chasing people and wasting effort in the wrong direction. If only I could go back in time and bring you to Mysore with me, I’d never let you change like this.”

That stung. It made me realize how far I’d drifted from myself. And honestly? It hurt not because she was harsh, but because she was right.

 So yeah, moral of the story: Crop tops are fine, but trying to “crop” yourself just to fit into someone else’s frame big mistake!!!

with love Amy :)